party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
