What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
