Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
