i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
