either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
