note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
