So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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