first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
