she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
