And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
