Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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