Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
