Buhtt sex?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
