Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
