My room smells like vodka and shame
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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