so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me i tasted like america
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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