its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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