Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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