I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
