Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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