so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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