can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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