and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
