Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
