pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
