she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
