I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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