He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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