it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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