I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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