My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
