peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
