wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
