the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
