Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
