you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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