I want to stick my p in your. b.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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