The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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