I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
