so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
