Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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