I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
