3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
