i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
