Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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