I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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