Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
