i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Vodka?
Forever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
