honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
