evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
