"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
