i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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