You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
