dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
