he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
